My name is Jessica. Before I discovered my route to adoption, I was a clueless 26 year old single mother to a 2 1/2 year old that I was already raising alone.
I was living in a small town and met a man who I thought was amazing. He turned out to be your typical jerk. We would see each other every day and he’d tell me how beautiful I was. Then one day he dropped a bomb… he was married with a child at home. When I told him I was pregnant, he said, “It is not mine.” I sat and cried. What do I do? How do I tell my mother I’m pregnant again?
A few weeks went by and a clinic confirmed I was six weeks pregnant. I looked at my options: raise it, abort it, or choose adoption. I thought adoption was right for me. I went searching and found an agency that sent their packet. I filled it out and there it sat. I never mailed it. When I was eight weeks pregnant, I went to have an abortion. When I got there, I couldn’t go through with it.
I moved back home. I finally saw my doctor and he said I was four months pregnant. As I felt the baby girl growing inside me, I went searching again. I found Elisabeth from Adoptions First and Elisabeth changed my life so much. When I had no one, she was there for me ALWAYS.
After six months, my mother asked me, “What are you going to do?” I told her, “I’m going to place my baby for adoption.” She said, “I can’t understand how you can be pregnant for nine months and just give your baby away.” It hurt me that she could not understand.
Next I had to look for a family for the child growing inside of me. I found Nicole, a beautiful free spirit. She loved everything that I loved. She had done all these amazing things but all she had ever wanted is to be a mother. I knew she was the one. At 7 months, I told Elisabeth that I chose Nicole as she was perfect in every way.
When I first met Nicole, I was so nervous. We both live in California, so she drove down to my house. “What if she doesn’t like me?” But the conversation flowed so easily. As I watched her play with my daughter, I knew I was making the right choice. I told Elisabeth how perfect she was and how it all seemed so unreal. As it turns out, Nicole had said the same things about me to Elisabeth. I told Elisabeth all of my plans and that I wanted Nicole to be at the hospital when it was time.
Time slowly passed and my baby girl was getting bigger and stronger. Boy did she take a toll on my body. She wanted out! I made countless trips to labor and delivery and did whatever my doctor told me to in order to keep her healthy. At 34 weeks, I was placed on bed rest. It was the slowest seven weeks of my life.
I called Elisabeth crying one day and she asked, “What’s wrong Jessica?” I told her they found something wrong with the baby’s heart and Nicole won’t want her. Now what will I do? This baby is coming. She calmed me down and said, “Nicole is going nowhere.” I was terrified when I called Nicole and told her the news, but unbelievably she stuck by my side.
My delivery date was coming near. Enter Amy. Amy is so awesome! She works for Adoptions First and is also a Birth Mother. We talked for what seemed like hours. Finally someone who could understand how I was feeling.
The day finally came to have my baby. As I was waiting to go into the operating room for my C-section, they asked if the baby had a name? I turned to Nicole, and ever so timidly, she said, “What do you think of Jane?” Jane was perfect. Nicole seemed just as nervous as I was and then it happened. I heard baby Jane cry.
After I delivered, they moved me to a recovery room. I just cried as my friend held my hand. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. All I could do was cry. They moved me to my room where I sat with Amy, my friend and my mom.
Once everyone left, I got a text from Nicole. She wanted to know if I wanted to see Jane. I held her for an entire hour as she slept peacefully in my arms. Three days slowly went by. I could not bear to leave my room and face the other happy parents while I was childless. I just sat in the dark in my room and bawled. I put on a brave face anytime Nicole, her mom, and Jane were around. They brought Jane in again and both agreed she must know my loud mouth. J Whenever I would hold Jane she would just sleep. I’d give her back to Nicole and instantly she would wake up and cry. Nicole nervously walked around the room cradling Jane looking to her mom for advice. I knew she would be a great mom just watching her tend to Jane.
Finally the day came and I signed the papers to terminate my parental rights. Instead of feeling frightened, I felt so relieved.
The day I was going home, my best friend took so many photos! All the nurses snuck into my room to give me hugs. There was one nurse named Tiffany who was simply AMAZING! She went out of her way to make everything perfect. She snuck into my room and told me while she hugged me, “I had to come to your room to see how you are doing. I think what you have done is so amazing. You are a beautiful, strong, amazing person.” She gave me a cupcake and said keep in touch.
Before I left the hospital, I asked to say goodbye to Jane. My mom got to hold her and my daughter met her. In that moment, we all came together as one: Amy, Nicole, her mom and me… and we just cried. Nicole’s mom hugged me and said, “We will never forget you. Thank you,” as she sobbed into my shoulder. Then I saw Nicole and she was speechless. All she could do was cry and say, “Thank you.” I just remember telling everyone, “It’s going to be ok,” and then it was time to go. I couldn’t face Jane. It felt as if a piece of me was ripped from my chest, but deep down I knew she would have a wonderful life. I looked at Nicole and told her she’s going to be an amazing mother. As I was pushed down the hall it seemed as if everyone were staring at me. So, I just looked at my feet, waited for the car, and went home.
When no one was there for me, I had the staff of Adoptions First. They never judged me, never laughed at me and never questioned me. They were always there for me. To this day I still talk with Amy and Elisabeth. I love these incredible women. They picked me up when I was down and for that I am ever so grateful. Without Adoptions First, I would have never met Nicole. Nicole is an amazing woman and she continues to send me updates on how Jane is doing.
I am ever so grateful for her and to all of the staff at Adoptions First.